Mathew Devaney Pook

I remember when I found out I was pregnant I was so scared and so happy at the same time. I started
planning my life around you all of my hopes and dreams you were there. I loved knowing you were in
my belly and I would talk to you all the time mostly asking you to please stop making me so sick!

It was the first scan when we found out you were ill you didn't have enough fluid around you and
they couldn't see your bladder said that I would miscarry soon but we will see you in another 2
weeks if not. I was 16 weeks pregnant and I wouldn't believe it, you were going to be ok even if you
had problems we would get through it together.

Two weeks later you were still going strong and still making me very sick at this scan a little bit
of hope they thought they could see your bladder they wern't sure though because there still wasn't
much fluid and it made it difficult to see but they said see you in another 2 weeks. My little dog
Tommy used to rest his head on my belly when I felt upset and I could feel you riggling about. My
little boy, I knew you were a boy even though it was to early to tell I just knew. I knew you were
going to be ok, you had to be you were my future.

The night before the next scan I felt your first kick and your dad felt it too, I was so happy I
couldn't wait for this scan to prove the doctors wrong. Your dad couldn't come to this scan he had
started a new job because he had a family to support now so your Nin came with me. When I saw you on
the screen and I was smiling but then my smile had gone when I heard her say "I'll just get the
doctor" I still wouldn't believe you were gone though I kept shouting "Nooo he's not ready yet!".
When your Dad came to the hospital they gave me some tablets and said come back in 2 days to deliver
your baby I was glad they said I could hold you and I'd get pictures of you.

When I gave birth to you I was calm couldn't wait to see you hold you in my arms. Then there you
were I'd never seen a dead baby or one born just under 20 weeks but you were beautiful so tiny the
most perfect thing I'd ever laid eyes on, my baby.

Your Dad couldn't see you it was to hard for him was the first time I'd ever seen him cry but I
couldn't hug him I just wanted to take in as much of you as I could. Your tiny little fingers and
toes and your little willy ha ha I knew you were a boy! But then you were gone.

All I have left now are your photos and foot and hand prints and my memories of my beautiful little
boy. I found out later the reason you died was because you had Potters Syndrome your Kidneys and
Bladder didn't develop. Knowing why didn't help much you were still gone and so was my future with
you.

Even though the pain of losing you hurt so much I'm still glad I had you for the time I did, even
though it just wasn't long enough.

I will never stop thinking about you and will always love you x